everything feeds process

Things You Learn About Surgery

(in no particular order)

1. The worst part of surgery is waiting for it to start, listening to your heart rate race in high-pitched beeps.
2. Your orthopedic surgeon and your anesthesiologist will both confirm the part that they will operate on, label it with their initials.
3. You will feel like a side of beef, divided for slaughter.
4. Your husband will get nervous, wish he claimed parts for his own.
5. When your surgeon’s initials are A-S-K, those letters will stare back at you, implore you to ask.
6. The next worst part is everything that comes afterwards.
7. When you’re in pain, everything feels like a poem.
8. When you’re on pain medication, you will be too tired to write it.
9. All of this time, you’ve taken the daily actions – walking, bathing, sleeping – for granted.
10. After surgery, you will be distilled to the basics of existence, and they will be difficult.
11. Everything will make you tired and hungry.
12. You will discover your husband’s untapped reserves of love, patience and nurturing, if you’re lucky.
13. You will feel like you are taking advantage.
14. It’s still hard for you to be gentle with yourself, even after a trauma.
15. You will swear to work on it, and then insist on doing everything for yourself.

****

I’ve been trying to write bits of this poem in the last few days, in moments of energy and lucidity, and then I take another nap.  When I woke up at 2 AM last night, I began composing it (again) in my head and I was finally awake enough to write it down.  I’m thinking that there’s more to come off of this surgery experience, but this is what I have for now.

Posted on December 21, 2009 at 10:15 AM in Body Awareness, Drafts, Poetry   |  RSS feed