Archive for February, 2010

February 28, 2010

Resource Tracking, Week 8: Falling Off the Wagon

It’s two months in to my resource tracking adventure and I’ve fallen off the wagon.

I wish I could say I that  have a good reason, but I really don’t. I’ve had a busy week, but not as busy as most of my weeks. Yet, when I open up my resource tracking worksheet, I see that haven’t tracked any of my time this week.  I don’t know exactly where my time has gone. I know that I’ve watched some TV, but not as much as I typically do.  I’ve certainly played on the internet, but I don’t know how often I’ve mindlessly searched. I know that I haven’t participated much in my creative practice. I wrote one poem and that’s it.

As I’ve been thinking about this practice, I’m reminded of why I started to track my time. First, I wanted to determine where all of my “free time” was going. I knew I had free time, but I couldn’t always account for its use.  Second, I wanted to be mindful of my choices. Did I choose to watch television or did I choose to write a poem? Third, I wanted to increase my “ass hours” in my creative practice. It’s hard to call myself an artist or a poet if I don’t consistently participate in said artistry or poetry.

After two months, I’m wondering if simply tracking my time is the right choice.  I came to this tracking idea because I know that people who successfully maintain their weight consistently track what they eat.  I track what I eat and that helps me to choose when I want to have a treat and when I want to out of stress and boredom. However, I’ve also learned that a major part of tracking my food consumption is planning what I eat. I don’t maintain a healthy weight because I track whatever I eat and the pounds drop off.  If that were the case, I’d eat jelly beans every day and then just write those down. I maintain a healthy weight because I write down what I’m going to eat, and then stick to it throughout the day.

Knowing all of this, I’m going to shift my tracking habits. Rather than simply recording what I do with my time, which has become a neglected task, I’m going to plan the creative projects I would like to engage in over the course of my week.  On Mondays, I’ll write  a “resource planning post” and try to determine what my weekly goals are for poetry and art-making.  I’ll consider my work schedule, my potential homework responsibilities, and any personal appointments I may have. I’ll also plan which television shows I want to watch, so I don’t find myself aimlessly watching television when I could be reading or writing. Then, on Sundays, I’ll write a “resource tracking” post where I evaluate how well I stuck to my plan.

I feel kind of weird shifting the plan two months in, but I strongly believe that I’ve got to find a way to fit my creative practice into my life.  Tracking is feeling unreasonable, so perhaps planning ahead and documenting progress is more in line with my goals.

February 23, 2010

The Mermaid Loses Her Voice

The Mermaid Loses Her Voice

Yes, was the last word she said. Seconds later,
the witch removed her tongue. This was before

she braved the witch’s dark garden, seaweed
winding around her arms. Still before she defied
her family, abandoned their crowded sandbar.
Before her months of mourning, before
her salt tears poured in to the salt sea.
Before she knew that loss and love were both

as boundless and empty as the black sea. Before
she saved her first love, pushed
his limp body toward the surface, toward the air
he could breathe. Before his ship opened
like a hungry mouth and devoured everyone
aboard. Before she saw his unconscious,
beautiful face. Before she learned
she had no soul, no hope of eternal life.
Before she knew she was trapped.

Before all this, she was just a girl
with a lovely voice and a limited life.

So, she said, yes, and watched the witch extract
her tongue from her mouth with the silver knife,
watched her tongue, that slippery fish, swim
through clouds of blood and plankton, then plop
in the burbling black potion. Yes, she had said
then mawed the water and tried to find her way home.

*****

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a poem based on Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid”. I found the story so spooky and rich with the type of imagery I was trying to write that I committed myself to writing a series of poems based on this fairy tale.

I thought this was  a pretty brilliant idea, until I tried to write the next part of the story. Silly me, I started this series with the most interesting (to me) part of the story. It was by far the easiest poem I had written in a while. The rest of the story is much more complicated. The draft above, for instance, took 3 weeks and 3 attempts to write. On the plus side, I have a draft to bring to my writers group in early March.

I’m not sure what portion of the story I’ll address next. I think I need to spend some time reading the story again and ruminating on it. Hopefully, it won’t take as long of a gestation and drafting process as this one did.

February 22, 2010

Resource Tracking, Week 7: Monday, February 15-Sunday, February 21

Totals for the week:

  • Television: 11.33 hours
  • Homework: 3 hours
  • Non-work internet: 8.75 hours
  • Creative time: 3.58 hours
  • Reading: 1.75 hours
  • Blogging: 1.75 hours

Last week was one of those weeks.  I had a plan for all of the work I needed to finish, from homework to creative work. None of it actually got finished. In one week, I left my keys at work on a night when my husband worked late, put off writing a paper for class until the day it was due, and broke my laptop. It’s still functional, but the screen is hanging on by two screws and hope.

On the plus side, I did 6 art journal pages and darn it, I finished the paper. I also was able to score a lovely new laptop and it didn’t totally kill our finances.  Hooray for unplanned expenditures.

This week will be different. If I can transfer all of my files onto my spiffy, unbroken computer by tonight, I can get myself back on track. I think. My goals for the week include writing at least 2 new poems (one is in draft stage right now), finish my reading homework for Saturday, and complete at least 2 new art journal pages. All of this can be done, because it’s a new week.

February 19, 2010

On Habits

Living with animals, I have learned a thing or two about habits.

My cat, Said, has a life that is ruled by his habits.  He must wake us up at 4:00 AM, when he knows that he will get fed in two hours.  We kick him out of the bedroom and then he knows that he must howl at the door for a little while longer, just to remind us. Then, when we finally feed him, he must lick the empty bowl throughout the day to suck the little bit of flavor off the edges.  His process begins again at 3:00 PM, when he knows it’s about two hours until dinner time.

Our other cat, Weetzie, knows that when it’s bed time, she gets to lay on my husband’s chest for 15-20 minutes. When he gets ready for bed, she watches him, expectantly. As soon as he lays down, she is right next to him, ready for their nightly ritual.

These are the actions that make up my pets’ lives.  They are small, but they each repeat them every day and night, without fail.

I am trying to mimic their consistency.  During the two months of my Year of Resources, I’ve spent around 30 hours in my creative practice.  Through tracking my time and committing more time to my creative practice, I am finding some positive results. When I participate in regular creative practice, I have more energy for creating, homework and my career.  I dream up new creative projects, because I love the feeling of committing to big ideas.  I feel engaged. On the weeks that I don’t create often enough, I feel cranky and testy. Even then, I know that those tensions can be easily cured by a little creative work.

During one of my fits of creative energy, I decided to buy a slew of Moleskine journals, so that I can experiment with art journaling. As I think I mentioned here before, I bought 4 journals and each journal has its own theme. The first is a black hardcover journal and I use it for general inspiration/journaling/collaging. The second is a cardstock cover journal for cataloging my dreams. The third is a cardstock cover journal for pieces based on found objects. The last is another cardstock cover journal in which I am slowly creating a fairy tale, page by page.

In another fit of manic creative energy, I decided to catalog my process in this journal in a photo-only blog called Poet is a Verb. I’ve been slowly building its posts with each new cover and page. It’s freeing because all I have to do is make the page, take a picture, and list the materials I used in the collage or painting. And then I’m done with it and I can move on to the next blank page.

I think what I like most about using this process is that it helps me to develop my habits. It holds me accountable to creating and it gives me a virtual space to document my practice.  Most of the pages that I’m posting are far from perfect. In fact, they’re messy and they have mistakes. But that’s my creative practice as it stands today. I am committed to it, I work on it, and I document it, mistakes and all.

February 15, 2010

Resource Tracking, Week 6: Monday, February 8-Sunday, February 14

Activity Totals for the Week

  • Television: 11.50 hours
  • Homework: 5.75 hours
  • Non-work internet: 7.67 hours
  • Creative time: 6.17 hours
  • Reading: 0.50 hours
  • Blogging: 1.08 hours

Draining time: 11.50 hours, Neutral time: 7.67 hours, Filling time: 7.75

For the first time since I’ve tracked my time use, I’ve had more draining time than neutral or filling time. I have a good excuse.  I really love the Olympics. So, for the next week and a half, I’ll be glued to my television, watching curling and snowboarding.  Since I know this about myself, I hope to use my TV time for multitasking with homework and creative work. For instance, last night I painted in my inspiration journal and watched pairs figure skating.  And I would do it again.

I think that this type of behavior is understandable, at least for me. I was raised by two Olympic fanatics, so I came to my obsession honestly. Also, it’s a special event – I’m not watching reruns of Survivor.  Lastly, I’m committed to using my time for creative work as well as zoning out to winter sports.  We’ll see how well I can balance my Olympic-level TV watching with my (hopefully) Olympic-level creative work.

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February 14, 2010

Finding the Sun


This weekend, we took some out of town friends to the Como Park Conservatory & Zoo. After months of gray skies, white snow, and little sun, it was pure joy to stroll the botanical gardens and take pictures of vibrantly colored flowers.  I have to remember that this is the way to fight winter, by heading inside and finding the sunlight.

February 9, 2010

Watching Paint Dry

Working with paint and glue cultivates a kind of patience I don’t yet possess.  In the inspiration journal I started last week, I’ve been working with different types of paint, mostly water-color and acrylic, and gluing paper in layers.  The hardest part for me has been waiting for the different elements to dry.

When I write, I don’t need this kind of patience. I scribble (or type) words down on the page and I work them until the poem (or piece) is finished. I don’t have to wait for my words to dry on the page or for the layers of meaning to adhere to each other. They already are doing those things, with little to no waiting.

As I think about this process, it reminds me of when I took an introductory photography class in college. My favorite part (of course) was taking the pictures. I could snap rolls and rolls of film and I was happy in that process. What I dreaded was the dark room. Some photographers really enjoy the chemical fixing process, watching the images bloom on the paper.  Me, I hated all the waiting I had to do. I had to unravel the film perfectly, something I could never do, wait for the chemicals to fix the negatives. Then I had to look through all the negatives, find a few good and unblemished frames, burn the images on the paper and then develop the paper.  Ugh.  I couldn’t do all of those steps quickly enough.  Of course, now I have a digital camera and I have instantaneous results and virtually unlimited frames.

I wonder what this instant gratification does for my creative process. The benefit of working with paint and glue is that I am forced to wait while the materials do their work.  This morning, I am painting the background of an art journal page and I have to wait for it to dry. As it dries, I’m doing other things, but thinking about the next few layers I want to add. I ponder the various techniques – do I want to use inks or stamps? Do I want to paraphrase the Emily Dickinson line or not? Where would I put these words? When I write poems, I only think about these things after the draft is finished and I am hurtling towards revision.

I also have to forgive the materials a bit. The problem with my art journal now is that the pages bleed through to each other.  I envision the page I’m working on this morning in a certain way, but then the darn watercolors from the previous page are stubborn. They like to show themselves, even under layers of paint. This morning, I had to surrender and allow those stains to become part of the page.

I don’t know how all of this will affect my poetry or my writing process. I know back when I was taking photography class, my poetry shifted and became more image based.  Will working with paint and glue urge me to layer more in language? Will I learn to forgive (and even encourage) the constraints of the words I use? Even though these are all separate mediums, I know that they must come together, somewhere.

February 7, 2010

Resource Tracking, Week 5: Monday, February 1-Sunday, February 7

Activity Totals for the Week:

  • Television: 10.83 hours
  • Homework: 0.50 hours
  • Non-work Internet: 6.42 hours
  • Creative Time: 4.83 hours
  • Reading: 4.50 hours
  • Blogging: 1.25 hours

In summary, that’s 10.83 hours on draining activities. (Thank you, Lost and SuperBowl.) I spent an almost equal amount of time, 10.58 hours, on filling activities.  (Thank you new art journals and writer’s group.)  I also spent 6.92 hours on neutral activities, with the majority going to internet usage.

My biggest challenge with tracking my time this week has been my internet usage. I have a feeling that I spent more than 6.42 hours online, but I can’t seem to remember to write it down.

When I actually have to type that I spent at least 6.42 hours online (not including working or blogging), I think that’s a little weird. That’s almost a full night’s sleep, when you think about it. Yet, when I look back to a previous week’s tracking, I’ve spent less time online this week than normal.  Hmmm. I wonder how much of my internet use is purposeful and necessary, as opposed to aimless and time-wasting? I think this is something I’ll have to watch during the coming year.

February 7, 2010

Lately

I haven’t had the time or energy for full length blog posts. But I have been thinking about them, as I go throughout my days. Here is what I’ve been thinking.

***

I’ve been swimming in books, but I haven’t had time to organize them. I had piles stacked on top of desk, my nightstand, the counters in the kitchen. I started to organize them yesterday and I condensed a 3-foot high pile of books down to a 1-foot pile.  The 1-foot pile is the one I’m committed to reading, either through school, recent purchases, or my poetryX12 commitment (yes, I’m behind).

***

I’ve been working too much. My husband has been driving me to work and in order for him to get to his job on time, I’ve been arriving at 7:15.  Even when I leave around 5 or 5:30, this just seems like too long of a day, since I’m not truly a morning person.  I also had to work 2 weekends in a row, so I had to work a long string of  days.  I love my job, but I’ve been feeling like all that I do is work-sleep-work.  I start busing again tomorrow, so I’ll be back to my normal schedule.

***

I’m bringing my body back to a state of normal. I am now 7 weeks out of surgery, as of last Friday, and I’m allowed to walk without my brace, except if I’m outside (snowy sidewalks and streets) or in otherwise “compromised environments” (slippery floors, large crowds, or other hazards).  The funny thing about this is that in order to feel normal, I have to act normal. If I want to walk normally, I have to concentrate on what it’s like to walk without a limp or a hitch. And then I have to not concentrate on it, so that my body does it naturally. If I feel a twinge, I have to walk through the twinge, until it goes away.  Luckily, it’s working and I am enjoying the freedom of walking without a leg brace for the first time in 7 months.  By next week, I should be brace-free entirely.

***

In another effort to get my body back to normal, I had my very first reiki session ever. (A friend of mine is training to be a reiki practitioner and she is at the stage where she needs to practice on people.) I didn’t know what to expect. What was interesting is that she could tell the places in my body that were the most out of whack, based on the heat that they gave off. I could feel the heat too, radiating off of me.

***

I want to plunge myself back into my body. I’ve been avoiding being present in my body, because of all the knee problems and physical discomfort. But now that I’m slowly reaching normal, I want to remember what it’s like to give awareness to my body.  So, I’m getting a massage on my day off next week. It’s one step, among many.

***

I haven’t been writing a lot of poems. I had a good couple of writing weeks and then I screeched to a halt.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m not creating.  I’ve started a couple of art journals this week.  One is a general inspiration journal and the other three are smaller, themed journals.  I’m hoping that they spurn regular creating.

***

Everyone around me has been sick of winter. We’re at that point when the constant gray, black, and white is depressing. With every new cold snap, we get a little angrier, a little more impatient. It’s difficult when you know that March is only a month away. I keep reminding myself that March is the snowiest month in Minnesota.  I don’t want to get my hopes up for spring yet. (I’ve clearly become a Minnesotan.)

***

I’ve been obsessed with creating a daily creative practice. Since I’ve been tracking my time usage, I keep thinking that I can build on my discipline.  I know that April is just around the corner, which means a month of writing poetry every day.  I wonder if I’m up for it this year, what with my job and school and life.  I think I may want to try it.

***

I think the theme of all of these thoughts is finding equilibrium. Equilibrium in my creative practice, my reading habits, my body, my work, and even the weather. I seem to be reaching towards my center, trying to root myself in consistency.  I’ll let you know when I get there.

February 2, 2010

Resource Tracking:…a little late

I’ve been a little quiet over here, mostly because of my computer drama.  With my laptop out of commission, I found myself getting out of the habit of surfing the internets incessantly, which is good. But I didn’t circle back here once my computer was fixed to post a non-resource tracking explanatory note.  Here it is, several days late.

I didn’t track last week, because my computer wasn’t fixed until Thursday.* But, I felt like I had a productive week.  I wrote two new poems and revised a third.  I never know whether to post revisions, because my revision process is so messy. Sometimes, a poem gets a lot worse before it gets better. I suspect that this is the case with my latest revision.  In any case, I am proud that I worked on it at all, since I tend to drag my heels with revision.

I guess the takeaway for last week is that I can write and revise if I put my mind and energy towards it. And having a broken computer isn’t such a bad thing, from a productivity stand point.

*I started tracking again yesterday, since my tracking week runs Monday through Sunday. I will have a real tracking post, come hell or high water, on Sunday.

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