everything feeds process

I haven’t had the time or energy for full length blog posts. But I have been thinking about them, as I go throughout my days. Here is what I’ve been thinking.

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I’ve been swimming in books, but I haven’t had time to organize them. I had piles stacked on top of desk, my nightstand, the counters in the kitchen. I started to organize them yesterday and I condensed a 3-foot high pile of books down to a 1-foot pile.  The 1-foot pile is the one I’m committed to reading, either through school, recent purchases, or my poetryX12 commitment (yes, I’m behind).

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I’ve been working too much. My husband has been driving me to work and in order for him to get to his job on time, I’ve been arriving at 7:15.  Even when I leave around 5 or 5:30, this just seems like too long of a day, since I’m not truly a morning person.  I also had to work 2 weekends in a row, so I had to work a long string of  days.  I love my job, but I’ve been feeling like all that I do is work-sleep-work.  I start busing again tomorrow, so I’ll be back to my normal schedule.

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I’m bringing my body back to a state of normal. I am now 7 weeks out of surgery, as of last Friday, and I’m allowed to walk without my brace, except if I’m outside (snowy sidewalks and streets) or in otherwise “compromised environments” (slippery floors, large crowds, or other hazards).  The funny thing about this is that in order to feel normal, I have to act normal. If I want to walk normally, I have to concentrate on what it’s like to walk without a limp or a hitch. And then I have to not concentrate on it, so that my body does it naturally. If I feel a twinge, I have to walk through the twinge, until it goes away.  Luckily, it’s working and I am enjoying the freedom of walking without a leg brace for the first time in 7 months.  By next week, I should be brace-free entirely.

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In another effort to get my body back to normal, I had my very first reiki session ever. (A friend of mine is training to be a reiki practitioner and she is at the stage where she needs to practice on people.) I didn’t know what to expect. What was interesting is that she could tell the places in my body that were the most out of whack, based on the heat that they gave off. I could feel the heat too, radiating off of me.

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I want to plunge myself back into my body. I’ve been avoiding being present in my body, because of all the knee problems and physical discomfort. But now that I’m slowly reaching normal, I want to remember what it’s like to give awareness to my body.  So, I’m getting a massage on my day off next week. It’s one step, among many.

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I haven’t been writing a lot of poems. I had a good couple of writing weeks and then I screeched to a halt.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m not creating.  I’ve started a couple of art journals this week.  One is a general inspiration journal and the other three are smaller, themed journals.  I’m hoping that they spurn regular creating.

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Everyone around me has been sick of winter. We’re at that point when the constant gray, black, and white is depressing. With every new cold snap, we get a little angrier, a little more impatient. It’s difficult when you know that March is only a month away. I keep reminding myself that March is the snowiest month in Minnesota.  I don’t want to get my hopes up for spring yet. (I’ve clearly become a Minnesotan.)

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I’ve been obsessed with creating a daily creative practice. Since I’ve been tracking my time usage, I keep thinking that I can build on my discipline.  I know that April is just around the corner, which means a month of writing poetry every day.  I wonder if I’m up for it this year, what with my job and school and life.  I think I may want to try it.

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I think the theme of all of these thoughts is finding equilibrium. Equilibrium in my creative practice, my reading habits, my body, my work, and even the weather. I seem to be reaching towards my center, trying to root myself in consistency.  I’ll let you know when I get there.