Archive for May, 2010

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May 30, 2010

The Art of Noticing

This morning, I spent a half an hour walking in my neighborhood with my camera.  Here is some of what I noticed:

The veins in this plant & the light in the distance

The vibrant, almost liquid purple of this flower

The words imprinted on this tire & the spokes on the hub cap

The texture of the weathering on this signpost

I have learned that when I have my camera in hand, I notice more details.  It feels like I have an antenna up, tuned to the little things: the cracks in the sidewalk, the color of a neighbor’s flowers, the shape of a particular alleyway.  It is for this reason that if I feel like creating, but don’t have a specific idea in mind, I will grab my camera and walk.  I become mindful and I focus on the specific images in the world.

I feel like I spend a lot of my time desensitizing myself to noticing.  I have time to notice now, because I’ve just started vacation. But during the work week, during my normal life, I rush-rush-rush, without noticing.  I want to become more mindful in my daily life, but I’m not quite sure how. I know that my writing practice and my artistic practice help me to keep my antenna up, so to speak. Yet, I seem to be neglecting that practice lately.

I hope that during this vacation, I can recenter my thinking on mindfulness and cultivate some good habits to carry with me through what looks to be a busy summer. On Tuesday, I hope to pick up The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh at the library on Tuesday, so that I can learn more about intentional mindfulness before I have to plunge back into work. I read a little snippet in a colleague’s office, while waiting for him to arrive to a meeting. This was on my last work day before vacation and I felt almost immediately that I needed to spend time with this book during my time off. I think it will help.

Posted in Filling My Well, Paying Attention, Photography | 1 Comment »

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May 28, 2010

Things I Will Do (And Not Do) on Vacation

Things I Will Do (And Not Do) on Vacation

  1. I will find things to write other than to-do lists and emails.
  2. I will rediscover my creative outlets.
  3. I will sleep past 6:53 AM on a weekday.
  4. I will not think about re-structuring, re-imagining, re-configuring anything that is not a physical object.
  5. I will find a way to re-organize my freezer.
  6. I will read books as a primary activity, rather than a thing I do while commuting on the bus, taking a bath or trying to fall asleep.
  7. I will drink wine on my porch, next to my carrots and radishes, and listen to music without doing anything else.
  8. I will exercise in the mornings, not on lunch breaks or before going to bed.
  9. I will not check my work emails.
  10. I will un-bury my home desk and find a new way to organize my computer and creative tools, perhaps without a desk.
  11. I will find yoga poses that don’t stress my knee too much.
  12. I will not complain about work.
  13. I will change my narrative about work time versus creative time.
  14. I will find a new project to write.
  15. I will breathe.

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May 15, 2010

On Showing Up

Lately, I’ve been worried about creative practice. Specifically, I’ve been worried about my lack of a creative practice.  For the first few months of the year, I was rocking through my creative work. I was writing prolifically (for me) and doing some painting/collaging on the side, just to keep myself fresh. I was feeling good. Then, in the last month or so, my work life has taken a much more dominant position in my daily activities. I haven’t had as much time or energy to write or create. In fact, I’ve been moping around and not having fun, either in my writing or at work.

I’ve been a creative person long enough to know that this is how it works. If you look through my journals and blogs over the course of my 16 years of being a writer, there is a trajectory. There are up-times, when I write and love it, and there are down-times, when I feel I may never write or create again. Not only is it a creative roller coaster, it’s an emotional roller coaster, because I tie my emotions to my creative output.

I understand that there is another way. Yesterday, my good friend Kate sent me a link to Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Talk from February 2009, which I’ve embedded below.

Go ahead and watch it. I’ll wait.

In this talk, Gilbert discussed the source of creative inspiration and locates that source outside of the human creator. She absolves creative people from the sole responsibility for creation. There must be something else, something elusive and intangible, which drives the work.  The creative person’s only responsibility is to show up.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it just doesn’t.

This lecture is a revelation to me. I spend so much of my time mourning for or reveling in my creative work that I often forget to just show up.  I stress, I fume, I make vows to do things differently. But I am not present in my work. I find this happens most often, for me, in times of extreme stress. The more agitated I get by an external pressure, the less present I become. I escape, through reading or watching television, or finishing tasks. But I don’t show up, remain present for the work, and then leave.

My goal, for the next week, is to just show up.  Carve out a little time for my creative work and show up there. I’ll put in the time and then leave. If the daemon/genius/muse shows up, I’ll say hi and thank you. If she doesn’t, at least I will know that I tried my best with the time that I had.

Posted in Inspiration, Work-Life Balance | Comments Off

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May 7, 2010

What The Carny Says

What the Carny Says

I may not be flexible, agile, or strong, but damn
if I can’t spot a sucker at twenty feet. I crow to him,

loud enough for the whole fairway to hear, but really,
I speak to him. I strut on my soapbox, suggest

the existence of miracles and mysteries never seen
before this day or time. I lie. I advertise

two-headed horses, bearded ladies, and Siamese twins. I give him
a poorly lit tent, a voluptuous man with a  five o’clock shadow,

siblings so close they hold hands under their costume.
I trade in illusion and expectation and I offer

disappointment in return. This is the way of the world:
Buyer beware. Don’t believe everything you hear. Learn

to be satisfied with your lot in life. There are no mysteries
that cannot be solved. No miracles, but the hot smell

of sawdust and horse shit, and the feeling of a woman burying
her face in your shoulder at the sight of horse with a dummy head.

****

This poem was written in response to Big Tent Poetry‘s first prompt. In this prompt, they ask us to imagine ourselves as one of the people in a circus. What would that person say? At first, I didn’t know who to choose, but one morning, my brain just blurted out the first line while I was brushing my teeth. Poetry’s funny like that sometimes.

If you haven’t joined in the fun over at Big Tent Poetry, I would encourage you to do so.  They will unveil prompts and challenges, and they direct you to some wonderful essays on poetry from participants blogs. I really appreciate this aspect of the site, because it lifts up some lovely writing that I may have otherwise missed. From all early signs, it looks like BTP will be a lovely, messy circus indeed.

Posted in Big Tent Poetry, Drafts, Poetry | 19 Comments »

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May 6, 2010

Walking Slowly

I had plans for this week.  This was the week I was going to get back on to my creative plan. I was going to immerse myself in my day job work, too. I was going to accomplish things, dammit. Well, I’m learning about best laid plans this week.

Yesterday morning, while starting my last work day before a day off (today), I became suddenly, violently ill. In fact, I was so sick, I had to concentrate so hard on making it from the restroom back to my office, that I almost passed out in my boss’s office.  Looking back, I’m about 99% sure I had food poisoning, but at the time, I was thinking appendicitis or an alien bursting out of my stomach.  Of course, I left work and spent the day lying in bed and drinking Sprite.

Today, on my actual day off, I am feeling a lot better. I still have some lingering symptoms, but I can function. Of course, being the good do-er that I am, I wanted to jump back in to my creative work. So, this afternoon, I spent some time in Uptown Minneapolis with my camera.

I had to walk a bit more slowly than normal, but I think this made me notice things in a new way. For instance, I would never have caught these pictures above, if I hadn’t been walking slowly. I was walking along a side street and I noticed a tree stump on a little scrap of public grass. I figured that the rings would make good pictures, because I love repeating textures. Lodged inside of the center of the stump was this cluster of mushrooms. (Now, I’m not a good identifier of plant species, so please tell me if they’re actually something else entirely.) I had to sit down on the ground and get my camera really close to the mushrooms, just to get these shots.

I could end this post with something cool and poetic about things mushrooming inside, growing slowly. But frankly, I’m still tired and I spent a lot of energy today, just moving my body from place to place. So for now, I’m just pleased that I was able to capture these pictures, with the light, colors and textures, as they appear here. It’s an accomplishment for me, for now.

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May 3, 2010

What the Internet Was Made For

I love the internet, almost too much.

This morning, I was listening to the April 12th episode of The World’s Technology podcast and learned about Such Tweet Sorrow. I wish I had learned about it earlier.  Basically, there is a group of actors/performers who are acting out a modern version of Romeo & Juliet over the internet.  Each character has a Twitter account and they tweet constantly, as if the play were happening in real time. The performance is enhanced by Juliet’s love songs on You Tube, a Tumblr blog, and last.fm playlists, to name a few.

I think what impresses me the most is how thoughtful this project really is. The performers didn’t just tweet, they created an interactive universe, using as many of the internet’s tools as they can. They interact as I truly believe these characters would interact on the internet, which makes sense, as they are all members of the Royal Shakespeare Company.

If you love Shakespeare or would just like to see how the internet shapes art and performance, I implore you to check this project out. (Catch up on the story here.) It’s truly brilliant.

Posted in Literature, Technology | Comments Off

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May 3, 2010

Resource Planning, Week 17: Monday, May 3-Sunday, May 9

My creative goals for the week include:

  • Participate in the first prompt at Big Tent Poetry (due Friday)
  • Participate in the Mining the Metaphor e-course
  • Create one art journal and post
  • Archive one month of blog
  • Take myself on one artist date (due Thursday)
  • Write at least one blog post

Thursday is my day off, so I am hoping that I can use it to decompress and get back in touch with my creative self. Until then, my other goals should keep me on track.

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May 2, 2010

The Pushmi-Pullyu

Remember the animal in Dr. Doolittle that had two heads and each time it tried to walk, it couldn’t quite decide which direction to go? That’s been me for the past few weeks, which is why I’ve been hibernating.

It seems like every time I make strides in my creative work, my work-work (the one that pays the bills) pulls me in the opposite direction. For the majority of April, I have been tugged firmly into my work world and I haven’t been very good at coping.  Instead of completing NaPoWriMo, like a good poet, I have been working and watching television and feeling (more than a little) sorry for myself.  I think I’ve finally recovered, but it’s been a rough month.

By tomorrow, I will know whether or not my work situation will resolve itself or absorb my entire summer with super-fun work obsession. My gut is telling me that it’s the latter. Knowing that this is coming, I’ve decided to take a few proactive steps. So, tomorrow, I will post some creative goals for myself, after ignoring this task for two weeks. My hope is that I will be so diligently pursuing my creative goals that the work stuff will take a back seat in my brain.

While I don’t know all of my creative goal details, I know that I will be working on the first prompt from Big Tent Poetry and participating in Jeannine’s free journaling e-course.  That should keep my brain busy enough, right?

Posted in Work-Life Balance | Comments Off

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