Jessica
…there is no try.
Yoda has been whispering in my ear all week, telling me that I need to do the River of Stones, starting July 1. So, here I am again, at another monthly writing challenge, hoping I can make it.
Here’s to doing.
June 13, 2011
Scenes from a Day Off
I had brief moments of mindfulness today, in between my errands and chores.
June 10, 2011
On Metamorphoses
For the past few weeks, the sidewalks in my neighborhood have been littered with caterpillars, fat and furry or skinny little slitherers. I cannot recall seeing so many caterpillars in previous springs. This year, I’m noticing them.
Yesterday evening, as I arrived home from work, I found a bright green caterpillar, abut half an inch long, adhered to the door jamb of my building. Its cocoon was half constructed; white silk covered its body’s bottom half. I checked on my new friend this morning and found that it made progress in the night. The silk was slightly thicker, but it wasn’t yet completely wrapped.
As I walked to my bus stop this morning, I realized that I feel like the caterpillar. I’ve been thinking about all the slow transformations I’ve made in my adult life. They were all so painstaking. Not all of them were intentional. And here I am now, making yet another slow and intentional change.
I certainly feel changed, as I watch my body shift, expand and grow. But more than that, I notice slow perspective shifts. I view our home in terms of how a little person will experience it. I think of my work and how it will be perceived by my child.
Unlike the caterpillar, I don’t know who or what I will change into. I just know that it will be someone more than I am now, someone who takes responsibility to be a guide and a teacher in someone else’s slow and painstaking changes.
June 6, 2011
Literary Death Match – I Survived (and Won)!
(Picture taken by Aaron M. Wilson, extraordinary husband & supporter.)
I had a lot riding on last night’s Literary Death Match.
First, the last time I did a reading (back in February), I did not do well. I didn’t really talk about it here, but it was not a good reading. It was the first weekend that my morning sickness kicked in. I couldn’t tell anyone (other than my husband) about how crappy I felt. On top of that, the coffee shop was too small for our large crowd. (A problem that I was grateful to have.) And, the baristas kept dropping things and making blender drinks during my reading time. Rather than stop and prolong my swaying nausea, I motored through, over the noise and distractions. It was not my finest reading hour.
When I got the offer to do LDM, I thought, “Here is my chance to do better.” Well, that was until I saw my competitors. Lightsey Darst is really well known in the Twin Cities for her poetry and reviews, and she just won a Minnesota Book Award for her book. Geoff Herbach has two books of fiction and is also well known as a performer. Ethan Rutherford had a story in Best American Stories 2009. And then, there was me. Self-published poet who doesn’t really participate in the literary community here, except as an observer. As the host/organizer Todd Zuniga put it to me last night before we started, I was the underdog.
The way that Literary Death Match works is that pairs are selected randomly to compete against each other. A panel of three judges then critiques their performances and selects a winner for the round. In the finale, the two winners compete in a game of chance or skill. Our judges were Jeremy Messersmith, Mark Mallman and Colleen Kruse. The random pairings were: Lightsey Darst versus Geoff Herbach and Ethan Rutherford versus me.
Lightsey read from her book and her poems were beautiful and complex. Geoff read a short story that was hilarious and really well delivered. The judges selected Geoff as the winner of that round. After an intermission, it was my round. Ethan read a very funny (but long) metastory about literary failure. He performed it really well, even as Todd threw Nerf darts at him as he exceeded his time limit.
As I walked up to the stage I thought, “You know, losing wouldn’t be so bad. He was good.” But then, I read. I was nervous, but my practicing came through. I had my poems practically memorized at this point, so I could really look at the audience. I had decided to read a group of fairy tale poems, which was based on my friend Darci’s suggestion. (She had competed in a previous LDM, so I took her advice.) She was totally correct. I read “The Mermaid Learns to Walk”, “Better to Eat Us With”, “Deep in the Forest”, and “Living Next to an All Night Grocery Store”. I clocked in at 6 minutes, 51 seconds, according to the host.
The judges gave me great critiques. Colleen Kruse said I should write a book of fairy tale poems, based in Uptown Minneapolis (a hipstery/yuppie neighborhood that I once lived in before it completely became yuppie.) Jeremy Messersmith complimented me on my outfit and said he wondered what my baby was doing while I was reading. (Geoff had mentioned that he had pneumonia and couldn’t drink, so I had to mention that I was pregnant and couldn’t drink, plus I had to pee really bad.) Mark Mallman gave me my favorite critique of the night: “Evil. Evil. Evil. This woman is evil.” I think (and hope) he was referring to “Deep in the Forest”, which is in the voice of the witch in Hansel & Gretel. He also read a really good Thurston Moore quote about radicals hiding as conservatives. After the critiques, I was crowned the winner of the round.
Then, we had a finale round. Geoff and I competed in a game of Literary Card Sharks. We were dealt hands of cards, held by audience volunteers, that had numbers as well as pictures of famous Minnesota writers. The cards were flipped over one at a time and we had to guess if each subsequent was higher or lower. We received a point each time we were correct. In a very close game, I won, 5-3. After that, I got a medal and hugs from my friends. Then, I went home and had a rootbeer float, since I couldn’t have a celebratory cocktail.
I guess the morale of the story, if there is one, is that you should always practice before readings. And not do them if you have morning sickness. And listen to your friends, because they are always right.
P.S. To Chicago friends & readers: Literary Death Match is coming your way on June 7 (tomorrow). I highly recommend the event, because it is incredibly fun!
