Posts tagged ‘Month of Mindfulness’

August 7, 2010

Postcard from My Future

***

This morning, as I was walking to one of my local art fairs for the weekend, I came up with this idea for my postcard from my future. Rather than try to imagine a specific image of my future life, I thought about all the things I will retain from my present. Just as my past informs who I am, my present will inform my future self. I began to think about the things I want to keep in my life, the things I need to keep in my life and the things that I will probably bring along whether I like it or not.

I began to envision my life getting carved into smaller and smaller portions. It was a simultaneously hopeful and terrifying moment. I felt all of my time being filled with good things: my relationship with my husband, my art, the work that I love.  At the same time, I felt all of my free time being divided between these good things, often into uneven portions.  That is truly the hallmark of my life. I love a lot of things and I do them all at once and messily. Eventually, I exhaust myself as I try to do them all together.

I realized at that moment exactly who I am, whether I like it or not.  I am a creative omnivore. I am constantly hungry, constantly seeking sustenance through all of the things I do.  I am not one of those lucky people who finds the one thing that they want to do and then focuses intensely on that one thing until they achieve success.  Instead, I have about three to four things at a time that I want to do, and I hop from one to the other, hoping that one gets done well.

On my good days, I love this about myself. I love that I am a voracious learner and an active participant in multiple areas.  Unfortunately, I am not having those good days lately. I’m seeing the flip side of this voracity. I do a lot and none of it very successfully.  I want the type of stability that comes with doggedly pursuing one thing. But I also want to have that stability in my work, my writing, and my personal life.  That’s a lot of wanting.

I know the way out of this: I have to accept who I am. I am, and will always be, driven to pursue meaningful work, a creative practice and a strong relationship. I will not want to sacrifice one for the other. I will continue to strive, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing. But hopefully, I will find satisfaction through my active pursuit.

August 5, 2010

Day 25: Self-Portrait as I Want to Be Seen

After focusing on sensory awareness, I will be turning the focus towards personal awareness and mindfulness.

My husband really enjoys taking self-portraits. With his little cell phone camera, he has sent me pictures of him eating carrots, reading books, grading papers, and making funny faces. I, on the other hand, am not too wild about self-portraiture. I have a few pictures of myself that I like, but other than that, I discard most of the photos I take of myself.

For today’s exercise, I would like to create a self-portrait as I want to be seen by the world. The catch is that it doesn’t have to be a photograph. I can create a self-portrait in any medium I choose.  Hopefully, I can channel a little of my husband’s bravado.

August 4, 2010

Day 24: Postcard from My Future

After focusing on sensory awareness, I will be turning the focus towards personal awareness and mindfulness.

I spend a lot of my time imagining what my future will be like. I’ve done this since I was a teenager.  I dream up an image of what my life will be like, if I follow a certain path or choose to pursue a particular opportunity. The funny thing is that my reality often conflicts with my preconceived idea. After all these years, I haven’t gotten any better at predicting what will happen.

For my exercise today, I would like to create a “Postcard from the Future.” I would like to imagine my life (or a part of my life) in 5 years. What will be different? What will be the same? I can choose to create this postcard in any medium, although a poem may be the most effective.

August 3, 2010

What I Found Today

Blender

We spin a terrible speed. We stutter
and stop. Arms outstretched in silver
horizon lines.  The world curves
and dips behind us. We stop again.

Our whirring pace pushes
everything away from our center.

***

We finally have a new blender, after months without one, so for the past few days I’ve been blending my heart out.  So, the blender has been on my mind.  I had hoped to write more object poems, but I just haven’t found the time, now that I’m back to work.  More tomorrow, once the migraine goes away.

August 3, 2010

Day 23: Postcard from My Found Present

After focusing on sensory awareness, I will be turning the focus towards personal awareness and mindfulness.

For today’s exercise, I would like to create a “Postcard from my Found Present.” This exercise is inspired, in large part, by Gertrude Stein’s Tender Buttons. In this book, Stein wrote brief prose poems about the objects, foods, and rooms of her life in Paris.  These were largely imagistic and they created a larger picture of her domestic life. I am especially fond of the “Objects” section, which elevated the everyday object into the extraordinary.

In my “Postcard from my Found Present”, I will pick an object from my life and create a postcard out of it. While I would prefer this to be a poem, it can be created any medium.

August 2, 2010

Day 22: Postcard from My Remembered Past

After focusing on sensory awareness, I will be turning the focus towards personal awareness and mindfulness.

For the next leg of my mindfulness month exercises, I will be shifting my focus from sensory awareness to personal awareness.  Personal awareness begins (in my mind) in the acknowledgement and documentation of the past.  After all, events in the past shape future experience.

For today’s exercise, I will create a “Postcard from My Remembered Past.” I say “remembered,” because my memories are influenced by my knowledge of my present life.  How I choose to document my past tells me more about my present than anything else.  For the postcard, I can focus on any mediums at my disposal: poetry, photography, collage or video.

July 21, 2010

A Pause (not a Stop)

Today, my dad comes in to town and I begin my final vacation of the summer.  For my dad’s trip, we have lots of fun planned, including two separate trips to Wisconsin.  While I am excited for my dad’s visit, I also know that with all this scheduled activity, I won’t have a lot of creative time. Since I am already behind on my exercises for my Month of Mindfulness, this puts me in a  pickle. Of course, I want to spend time with my father and have fun, but I also want to stay committed to this practice.

Throughout the past few days, I’ve been trying to think of a solution and I believe I have one. I am going to press the pause button on my exercises.  I will use my vacation time to catch up on the exercises I haven’t completed and write the final ten exercises. Once my dad leaves, and life returns to a semblance of normality, I will resume my final ten exercises.

Here is the commitment I am making to myself:

  • During my vacation, I will complete the following outstanding exercises: Day 12Day 15Day 18Day 19,and Day 21.
  • During vacation, I will also write my final 10 exercises.
  • During vacation, I will post habit pictures as I am able.
  • I will restart my exercise posting on Friday, July 30.
  • I will resume working on these exercises on that same day, July 30.

Of course, I will be blogging about my vacation here, as well as a couple of creative issues I have been thinking about lately.  But now, I won’t have these exercises hanging over my head.

I think this will help me to stay on track.

July 21, 2010

Day 21: The Body Electric

The root of mindfulness in a creative practice, in my mind, is in sensory awareness. For the next five days, I will focus on body awareness.  While body awareness is rooted in many of the senses I have already covered, I think it is most often captured through touch.  As someone who often lives in her head, this is the most challenging sense to articulate.

Whenever I think of poems about the body, two lines automatically come into my head. It’s almost a simultaneous response. The first is from e.e. cummings:  “I like your body when it is with your / body. it is so quite a new thing.” The second is from Walt Whitman: “I sing the body electric.”  For me, these poems encapsulate all that is good about writing about the body, because they address the body as a physical entity but also as a spiritual entity.

While I don’t think I can ever reach the quality of these poems, my exercise for today is to write about the body, both physically and emotionally or spiritually.

July 20, 2010

At Last

There is too much in this world that I love.

On my last day, I will want to hurry and devour everything I will miss.

Even that which is inedible.

I will want it all.

***

This photo array is intended for two prompts: my last meal prompt from Day 17 (writing from my belly) and Day 16 (my last meal).

When I woke up this morning, I intended to visit my neighborhood’s community garden to take pictures of some of the fresh, green food that I would want as my last meal. But as I was walking towards the garden, I kept noticing all of the other things: the details in my neighborhood that I love. While walking, I realized that I wouldn’t want to take in just food on my last day, but all the little things that I would miss. Everything.

The more I thought about this, as I snapped pictures of non-food, I realized that this is really about appetite. I am hungry for input, experience, beauty, and life.  This is a sense that originates in my belly but can’t be satisfied by food alone.

I hope that I can keep these photos and the snatches of lines as a reminder about this feeling of hunger and a finality. Some day, it may be a poem or a collage. But for today, it’s two completed exercises.

July 20, 2010

Playing Catch Up

Below is my rough draft of a poem for yesterday’s Mindfulness Month prompt on My Hands. It is as yet untitled, which is okay.

I’ve been a little behind for the past few days, because my work life and social life got the best of me. I found, quite suddenly, that I was six days behind on exercises with very little time to create on the horizon. This is not to say that I haven’t been working creatively: I met with my writer’s group, I’ve posted a habit picture, and I’ve been doing some revision on my chapbook manuscript.  But, I haven’t been creating new work nor following these exercises as diligently as I would have liked.

Luckily, I found a little stretch of time this morning. I knew that I had an extra hour before work and I forced myself to get up early and create.  On any other day, I might have slept in but today, I dug deep and found a little discipline. It also helps that I am giving myself permission to post rough, untitled drafts, knowing that I can always revisit and revise later.

***

I regret my hands for all the things
they will and will not do: all

the books that I have touched
(and have not read), all the food

I carried home, only to spoil
in the fridge. What is the matter

with these hands who want
and want, but never abstain?

I wonder who has raised them, slapped
their backs when they strayed,

rubbed them together in the cold.
They are out of control. I beg them

to clean their rings, clip
their nails and fold themselves

together quietly. They refuse.
They dig in the dirt, scratch

at my skin. They never stop
for rest.  I am stuck with them,

these restless  pests
and all they carry for me.

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